Ahhh…Blog #10, my oh so favorite number.
I don’t think this one will be that heavy, but just in case…
*exhales*
I’m relearning the concept of self-care.
I never thought this would be an area of life that I’d have to re-learn, but here I am.
Wanna know why? I have different needs today than I did, previously. Whew. (I knew I would need to take a breath at some point)
I’ve grown in a lot of areas of my life, which has required my care level to increase as well.
Here’s the thing, I have always done such an amazing job serving others, caring for others, tending to the needs of those around me, but not always doing the same for myself.
I get a high off knowing that I was able to help somebody, I made someone’s day or even the mere fact that I was able to be present for someone… but when it comes to me, I’m the last to be served.
*Wild Behavior*
Let me tell you what I did the other day…
I had a day off from my part-time job, (Yes, I meant to tell you I got a part-time gig, that I truly adore), and there was a laundry list of things that I knew I needed to get done. I mean everything from homework to actual laundry was on that list, and I was going to spend all day being productive!
Let’s pause here for just a moment to say, that the only reason why I wanted to be SO productive is because I wanted to feel in control for once. But I digress.
Anyhow, I woke up that morning, after having some amazing rest, I sat up in the bed, looked around my room and thought to myself, “You don’t have to move, if you want to lay back down,...you can”. What a novel idea! You mean, my body was still tired? You mean, my mind needed another moment before we jumped to action?
DUH GIRL. You’ve been on an emotional and mental rollercoaster for weeks, you are exhausted!
Baby, I looked around one more time as if I was being sneaky, slowly slid back into a lateral position, turned on my favorite side with a grin, and dosed off. This set the tone for the whole day.
By the time I woke up again, I made a strawberry pb&j, watched some Fresh Prince re-runs, showered, put on fresh pjs, and then… I started painting on a canvas while listening to jazz. (That’s a whole other conversation that will make me bawl, but if you know…you know)
I did all my favorite things. And like icing on a perfect cake, I finished off the night in bed with a freshly baked cinnamon roll, while watching the Janet documentary. (Ya’ll know how I feel about Damita Jo)
I wasn’t in a rush to respond to texts or emails. I stopped myself from running through the list of bills, responsibilities, and all the adulting tasks that awaited me the following day.
Do you know how fulfilled I felt? Do you know how relaxed I was? For the first time in weeks, I didn’t feel tension in my body, I didn’t feel an overwhelming heavy emotion, I felt joy… and more than anything, peace.
I finally settled in for the night, with the lights off, and with joy in my heart, I whispered a prayer to God before falling asleep.
For once, everything was okay. For once, I could breathe, and I gave Racquel what she needed.
*exhales in gratitude*
Now... What do you need, beloved?
Talk soon,
Racq