Whew…
Ya’ll have time to talk about pride real quick?
*exhales*
Jesus on the mainline, I mean the main, centralized, expressline.
So, ya’ll know I’m in this very transformative and transitional period of my life that can be… a lot.
In years past, I have been the strong girl, the one who’s always on the grind, always giving, always lending, making sure everybody’s straight, right?
Well, these days I'm balancing ME, work, school, church, and writing. I’m having to plan out my social engagements, and time to catch up with friends. Very different.
I’m currently working at this part-time job, which of course comes with part-time money.
And I really enjoy my job, but I need like $25 million by tomorrow, ya feel me?
So I’ve had to ask for help.
Lawd hammercy.
Now baby… when I say low, downtrodden, sick, throwing up, and in a fetal position. I hate asking for help, truly. Hate it.
I rather be on the corner with a sign that says, “Will dance like Janet for money” in a tube top, than to ask for ANYTHING.
Growing up, my dad instilled in me to have my own. You have the money to handle what you need, and then some. You always have a plan and do your best to be prepared for emergencies.
But on a faith journey, sometimes God says, “Go” without any further context. So, when I took the leap and moved to Memphis, did I have a nice cushion, sure! But did life come at me like a freight train off the track in the first 90 days? HE-, yes. Yes, it did.
*Wild Behavior*
Somedays, I’ve felt like a failure or like I got it wrong, cause at this big age why are you going through this? And it doesn't help when you know there are some that look at you like you're the lowest of the low, just because you're not currently living in abundance.
But then I get a reminder that I’m in purpose; this is just a part of the journey.
I’ve been in situations where people have asked me, “What do you need?”, and I’ve had to give a real answer! Why? Because I had been asking God for help through tears. I had already said to Him, “YOU SENT ME HERE!” and looking for Him to answer. When instead of Him floating a surprise check in the mail, He sent somebody to check on me, take me grocery shopping, or send a random cash app.
So, I’ve chosen to humbly say, “thank you” and not be ashamed. 'Cause I'm going to be a multi-millionaire soon.
It is a very new space for me, because I never want anyone to feel like I’m taking advantage of them. I’ve been on the receiving end of that, and it doesn’t feel good at all.
But I refuse to suffer in silence, I promised myself I wouldn’t do it ever again.
So if you ask me if I need anything, I may sigh first… but I’ll come back with an answer.
I just want my $25 million, dassit.
Sigh.
Talk soon,
Racq